April 22nd 2019
Day 25 / 365 || Week 4
Beach days here make me realize how much I love being in the Bay area. I keep telling myself I want to settle down for a bit, to collect my thoughts and experiences and have a way to filter and process them. I want to have my own space to call home. I know I CAN do it. I just don’t know when that will be. I have some of the most amazing friends that live in the Bay Area that keep telling me that they wish I was here and that they wished I was around more and lived here. I wished that it was that easy. I wish a lot of things. Sometimes wishing isn’t going to get results. Reaching out and trying to making plans have been a downfall of mine recently. I need to get back on the horse and see what I can commit to.
April 23rd 2019
Day 26 /365 || Week 5
It was about 6 years ago when I bought my first guitar. I started off busking at the Pike Place Market in Seattle (even though I was hardly any good). Back then I was aware that I had to quickly jump out of my comfort zone because I had to do something radical in order to really understand what it would take to get good. I practiced at home, I practiced in the streets and I practiced around campfires. Eventually I took my guitar with me on the road and would busk in random towns along the route to wherever my destination was. I had begun to get better, but I can admit I was still not great.
Then there was this one time, the time that changed it all.
I pulled into Sacramento and super frustrated with myself. For the millionth time I had lost a pair of my car keys and I tore everything out of my van to try to find them. I couldn’t believe I had done this again. I had posted on Facebook about how forgetful I was and about how irritated I was at myself for being this way. I took that day to calm down about this when I realized how worked up I had become. I had processed my own thoughts about loosing things, and how I have to accept that things will be lost sometimes. When I got back to my van hours later, I realized that I lost yet another thing, which wasn’t my keys. I forgot that when I took everything out of my van earlier that day, I forgot to put my guitar back in… and I had to be okay with it. I had to be okay with it because that was the lesson that I was literally trying to learn all of that day.
Unexpectedly, one of my uncles happened to randomly be in the same random town of Sacramento, so we met up. He has been on of my biggest supports when it came to me traveling and doing music on the road. He had given me some money to buy another instrument (I will be forever grateful for him and this gift!), because he knew that this was the thing that brought me joy to play, and others joy to hear listen. With this I had struggled on picking out a ukulele or a mini guitar. I went with the mini because it was 6 strings and I already knew chords to guitar and didn’t want to start over with a new instrument.
Days later I was literally just about to leave town when my eyes caught sight of a familiar guitar case. It was sticking straight up out of a grocery cart behind a car. I noticed the patch id sew onto it and I nearly gave myself whiplash when my eyes crossed paths with it. I jerked my van into the lot and I ran as fast as I had ever run in my life. I opened up the case, and my beautiful guitar was still there, sitting perfect. The cart was unattended and across the street from the grocery store. Presumably it was from a homeless person who had went into the store at the same time I was passing by. I was so grateful to have it back, and what a miracle that was! I was going through some real wild emotions. Was the universe gifting back my guitar to me from the lesson I was given to learn from?
This would be a funny time to tell you that this is all made up, but it truly isn’t.
When I had my guitar back I went back to the music store so I could get my uncle his money back to him, but the music store manager said they couldn’t do refunds and that they could only do exchanges. I took a look at the mini guitar I had, told them that it was time for me to pick up ukulele now. It would be much easier to keep with me on the road than 2 guitars at this point.
And that is how this lovely little soprano ukulele landed into my life.
April 24th 2019
Day 27 / 365 || Week 5
I drove about 5 hours to get to this spot from The Bay Area. I made it a plan to actually stop in Mount Shasta before the sun was to go down. I’ve traveled in between Mount Shasta, going North and going South so many times I don’t think I have enough fingers to count. I do however have enough fingers on one hand to count the times I have stopped though, which was only 2 times before today. This time was by far the most peaceful time I have had. It was so quiet that I could hear to ripples off of the water and the birds flying in the air. I got here right before golden hour and had some time to just sit and think. I also got out my ukulele and played some music. There was a group of people sitting at a picnic table nearby, and one of the women was lying on the ground and moving her hands in the air to the melody. Once the sun went down behind the mountain the group started to pack up and leave. One of the gentleman came up to me and said he had a gift to give me for the gift I had given him. He and his group were from Russia and that they were visiting, and that my music gave them what they were looking for in their meditation today. He then gifted me a card that showed what days during the next year were the days to look out for for deeper mediation. It was a nice touch to the end of the day. It was worth the stop.
April 25th 2019
Day 28 / 365 || Week 5
I’m not trying to be the best, I am just trying to do what I can. Sometimes that means I have to prop up in the middle of a park to get some work done on the fly. Sometimes that means I have to edit a photo on my computer in a park before my device decides to die on me. Sometimes that means that the photos I am throwing up on my website are not the best photos I have ever taken that day. It just tells me I am still showing up. It doesn’t have to be perfect, it just has to be.
April 26th 2019
Day 29 / 365 || Week 5
I stepped out of Portland for the night and into Vancouver. They are just so close to each other that I forget that I am not in Oregon anymore and back into my home state. I was stepping into a familiar territory but stepping out of my comfort zone when it came to trusting a complete stranger with my life at. Well sure, it was just at a climbing gym called The Source Climbing Center with a certified belayer, but it still felt like a big step when it was time to put my body weight into someones hands while I was 36 feet in the air. I learned a bit more about climbing and I was excited to get to the top a few times! I learned about an auto belayer as well, which was still a bit scary to get used to when I just wanted to drop down. Even was getting some lessons from an almost 13 year old how to do the splits! What a day of trying out new things!
Then after that there was a fire spinning meetup group which I brought my camera out for, while they spun I snapped. Maybe next time I will try to get out of my comfort zone when it comes to spinning just as I did climbing.
April 27th 2019
Day 30 / 365 || Week 5
This weekend was work filled in the PDX neighborhoods. I got the give away some very beautiful succulents. This is just so Portland perfect.
April 28th 2019
Day 31 / 365 || Week 5
Some of the best times I have had in my life has been around fires. There is really something about it. Just sitting around it means genuine conversation between person to person, music shared and sung, and sometimes laughter from kiddos while they make smores. There is usually a bonus too - phones out of sight and put away. Eyes staring into the flames rather those screens. It’s easily one of the top things I would like to do more in my life. Making fires, sitting around fires, conversing around fires, playing music around fires. All of the above. Its been such a peaceful place where I can feel my mind at ease.
Each person around the fire has a story to tell, but its up to that person to choose to actually share it. When we connect with someone in this way it brings out a vulnerable side in us, which is such a beautiful thing to be a part of. I was being the recipient of a story which I really connected with last night. This story that was being told me grabbed me by the heart strings because I could feel what this person was going through from a similar experience I once had, which ultimately led my heart to ache. I really felt with and for them.
Today I found this quote from one of my really good friends. It really wrapped my head and heart around the conversation that spun around in my head from last night. It actually gave me some better clarity upon my own life and what it really means to deal with pain.
“Lately ive been thinking about the purpose and point of having challenges and how they serve us. Sometimes pain is really painful and we do need something to maybe help numb the pain, but it’s there for a reason, it’s signaling something to us. Paying attention and following it, embracing it, holding it, asking it, "Whats your problem? Show me where to go. Show me where it hurts." The hurt is saying "Hey over here! There's some trouble over here!" So go there, go to your pain, follow your disappointment and see if it doesn't lead you to a brighter day." - Emery Carl
April 29th 2019
Day 32 / 365 || Week 5
There are many things I have crossed off on my bucket list. Most of them have been travel destinations, but there also has been others like going on a plane for my first time ever (I was 24!) and even jump out of my comfort zone and make myself go on a solo trip for a month in another country (hello Indonesia 2018!). I feel really good about being conscious with the things I want to do in this life and I have really pushed myself to cross these goal things off. Another one on that list is to create a coffee shop one day. I have a real soft spot for them. The espresso smell inside, the people I have met, the conversations I’ve had and of course the coffee. In the beginning of my travels when I wasn’t sure what to do next on the road, and while I felt I was in limbo I would just go to a coffee shop. I still do! After working, sitting, and sipping in hundreds of them all over the world I have realized that is something I want to bring into other peoples lives as well. This is a bigger commitment then I think I am ready for right now. This is something I really hope I can build up to. Right now is not the time, but I hope I will know when the time is right.
April 30th 2019
Day 33 / 365 || Week 5
There are a few things in life that make me feel so satisfied while in practice. One would be right in the middle of a jam session, and the other would be while I am capturing the essence of another artist.
This is Adrian Lobo, a magnificent dancer. He is originally for LA and has taken his talents on the road to many festivals to perform and on stage next to some really well known artists. He utilizes in a mix of Urban Street Dance and the sacred Movement arts. “Bringing Spirit to the Streets” as he puts it, and it shows. The first time we met I saw him dancing around at Enchanted Forest Gathering and naturally I had asked to take his photo. Fast forward 3 years later and we both were able to meet up so we can co-create some magic on the bridges and pathways in Portland.