Brie'Ana Breeze Photography & Media
September Week 26
(Scroll your way down for the dets)
September 19th 2019
Day 174 / 365 || Week 27
Clearing the noise. Clearing the air. Clearing my mind. Finding my peace within my own space.
September 18th 2019
Day 173 / 365 || Week 27
Today was a hard day, emotionally. I learned some news that I just couldn’t shake off. I am trying not to make this thing my problem (because it isn’t) , with still balancing empathy and compassion for this person that has tough decisions to face head on. I was in my head about this ALL DAY. I felt so much movement in my mind that it made me dizzy. I had some anxiety and I just really needed someone to talk to. I got through to one of the wisest women I know, my mentor, my old high school teacher. This is someone who I refer to as my rock when I need to hold on when I feel like I am wavering in the mental and psyche danger zone. This is who I look out for when I need emotional assistance to balance me back, even for just one minute (Okay, well the phone call lasted around 2 hours, but who was counting anyway?) It really gave me a new perspective on how to think about certain things. How to approach these certain situations that come up, each time and again. How to improve on a skill with my own way of thought processing and proceeding to live the best life I can live. To make sure other peoples decisions are not effecting my life, because I just allow it not to.
I’m so glad we had this talk together. It was another eye opening conversation that led me to step up upon another stepping stone into me improving on some self emotional care.
September 17th 2019
Day 172 / 365 || Week 27
The weather. It’s so easy to talk about the weather here in Seattle. Summer is great. Fall is bearable (for a short time) and winter is gross and wet. It’s usually the time I say my farewells and figure out the next move. It’s easy to leave this city behind because of the weather, but it’s straining on my soul to wake up in these times and have the thoughts of “What am I doing with my life?”. I take hold onto this part of this talk from Elizabeth Gilbert when she is asked what her main job in life is.
“My main job, honestly, like what most of the hours of my day goes to is (i’m not even being facetious) is actually just managing my mental health. Truly, because like many of us, I wake up in the morning and my first conscious thought is like ‘Fuck FUCK. Oh god! Oh my god no. How? How??” like every single day, for my entire life. A really huge amount of my day, my weeks, my months, and my years has been given over to trying to figure out how to take that exclamation point of panic that I wake up with and just kind of settle it as best as I can. - So that’s my actual job. Everything else I do is just a hobby.
Usually when I wake up with the sun, I feel less panic.
September 16th 2019
Day 171 / 365 || Week 26
Close your eyes, and think of all the places you could be right now. (Really, give it a try for a minute)
Now that you have opened your eyes, take time to appreciate that 𝑤ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑎𝑡 𝑟𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑡 𝑛𝑜𝑤 𝑖𝑠 𝑤ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑠𝑢𝑝𝑝𝑜𝑠𝑒𝑑 𝑡𝑜 𝑏𝑒.
Sometimes for me I’m not sure what I’m doing in life so I just find the next destination. Sometimes I use this maneuver and wear it as a mask. This is me, not feeling really sure where home is. I do this so I can let loose from the last destination and I will feel better about finding purpose in the next place. I find that a lot of the time that doesn’t solve any of my problems. It is up to me to be okay where I am at, spiritually and emotionally over where I am physically. I still don’t know where home is, but I do enjoy thinking about all the possibilities.
September 15th 2019
Day 170 / 365 || Week 25
It’s when the morning comes that I really have an immense appreciation for my people. Papa Bear made us coffee and breakfast then we tore everything down. It really feels like a production of love when you see everyone who helped build it up in a few hours and then the next day all take it down together. We say our farewells to this beautiful land that we all got to stay on with each other for the evening. Then we spent half the day trying to get our shit together (as usual when it comes to all of us traveling with each other) to try to make it on the ferry and head our separate ways back home.
September 14th 2019
Day 169 / 365 || Week 25
Today I woke up half expecting I would go to a job, to work for a company that I was wary about. I learned some information that just hovered over my conscious and I had a hard time wanting to stick it out. Ultimately I decided that instead of going to this one day off job, which brings communities down, I made the move to go on an a trip to Port Townsend with my band fam, which builds communities up, together.
One of the brothers who is a long time family friend was throwing his big 5 0, good ole Papa Bear as we call him. A gang of us caravanned from Seattle together, took the music gear and the crew on a ferry and drove through the back woods to the birthday boys off grid getaway. It was in the middle of nowhere and we couldn’t have been any happier to celebrate with him at his lovely abode.
We all put our hands in to add to the ambiance of the night ahead. With rain headed our way we needed to make sure that the tents were put up, decorations to go underneath, and the music gear was secure and safe from any downpours. It did rain, but only enough for a good rain dance to ensue upon the tight knit crowd. With a fire pit near, we warmed up around it, with jokes upon jokes, hugs upon hugs, laughs upon laughs, I think we made sure to make sure that 50 felt like the best age anyone can ask for. We are so lucky to have each other.
Oh yeah - One big joke that came out of this - FUCK YA KEITH! (Were making t-shirts)
September 13th 2019
Day 168 / 365 || Week 25
It’s been real. It’s been fun. It’s been real fun.
But really, it’s been a lot of things.
September 12th 2019
Day 167 / 365 || Week 25
I’ve been playing tourist, tour guide and photographer this week. It feels nice showing someone my city again, making it feel fresher than it has in a long time. Along those lines there are now many more memories that have been stored and replayed in my mind from these outings. One season ends as another one starts, just like those chapters people keep talking about. I think I may be ready for it this time.
September 11th 2019
Day 166 / 365 || Week 25
From getting out of the city to go hiking up Rattlesnake ridge to going back into the city checking out the baseball scene.
From the looks of the land from the top I know why this is called the Evergreen State, with miles and miles of trees covering all the mountains in each direction. From the looks of the stadium I know why the Mariners have never only won a world series.
We did do the American things today. We came, we saw, we conquered.
The most surprising thing…. the Mariners actually won. What a wild 24 hours….
September 10th 2019
Day 165 / 365 || Week 25
A night out in the city. Marshall Law Band played at Chop Suey in Capitol Hill, and they killed it. Then the night took me to South Lake Union to have some unexpected tacos and great company on a friends rooftop with a view, with conversations that steered in many mind altering directions. It’s night like these that I really do love this city so much. Summer is coming to a close here and having that fleeting feeling of seasons here gives me a sense of gratefulness to have been a part of it in this lifetime.
September 9th 2019
Day 164 / 365 || Week 25
This was exactly what I needed to walk upon today.
“It’s not the friends you meet, it’s the people you meet on the path that make it worthwhile”.
Although I love my friends, its been a difficult journey keeping a few in my life lately.
September 8th 2019
Day 163 / 365 || Week 25
In the last few months I’ve started to clean up my “friend” closet. I’m not talking Facebook related, I’m talking real life friendships. From family to friends. If you know me, you know that I cherish my friends to an extreme. My friends are the closest thing that I am grateful for.
I dearly love these people I do call friends, which stretch from all over the globe. Sadly, some of these people I love are the people I have to let go from my current life. I still love them, but some of them are no longer serving me. Some feel like a crutch, others don’t put in the effort to understand how I operate. Some of these friendships feel like I’m just holding onto them like a distant memory. It’s really time to clean the closest of who I want in my life. Some of these “friends”’are ones which have been holding me to a standard which is not reasonable nor who have been inspiring me in any direction. It’s time that I take them off the back burner, turn off the heat and put them away.
I truly want the people in my life who are my friends to feel like a family to me. These people are the ones who can forgive me for things that can be forgiven, for the small mistakes I make (because I am human like the rest of us). Ones that understand that life gets in the way sometimes. Ones that can root me on as much as I do them, even if our lives are not at all similar in our day to day. Ones who don’t have an immediate temper and blow up at any given chance. Ones who think of asking “How are you?”, “How are you feeling?”, “How is life going on your end?”.
Like a light switch, sometimes friends unexpectedly turn into acquaintances, and you didn’t even feel the light go out until it is too late.
The question I’ve been recently facing is “When is it time to stop giving them my attention and affection when it’s not reflected or reciprocated?”. The time is now. The time is here. I am in a new chapter of my life right now and I am all accepting of new relationships with people who want to keep building up what we have, leaving it behind or starting new. I am listening to my heart.
September 7th 2019
Day 162 / 365 || Week 25
I didn’t realize how much time I would not be having on my hands when getting back from the Burn. It has taken me a week to clean up everything. From countless piles of laundry, to keeping that hustle and grind on event work, to finally vacuuming, washing, detailing Stan and everything in it. Deplayaing is no joke. Once you think it’s gone, it comes back.
Oh yeah. I also did all this while catching a cold and trying my best to keep a good attitude. It’s been real. Real tiring.
September 6th 2019
Day 161 / 365 || Week 25
September 6th - 2017. Traverse City, Michigan.
2 years ago on this day I just got done exploring a state I never thought I would ever be in, nonetheless road tripping all the way up the UP. I find that when I am walking around small town with cute little mom and pop shops I always try to find the music store. I have usually found them tucked in between a bakery and a bookstore. These music shops always have so much character, from the instruments to the people. There are talents found inside these walls. I find when I walk in there is some type of jam happening, from either a customer, to a cashier, or sometimes even both at the same time. My favorite line of all time is “Jams that will lead you to the land that’s promised” - which you can find just by walking into an unfamiliar store in an unfamiliar town, and it will make me feel right at home.
September 5th 2019
Day 160 / 365 || Week 25
Home sweet home. I’m in it and it feels like my element, but I also know that being comfortable has been one of my struggles in this life. I don’t understand why that I operate this way. When I stay somewhere for a prolonged period of time it starts to feel stagnant. If I stay somewhere for too long, and get too comfortable I start to get the feeling that I am not doing enough in this life.
I love the view I have from my apartment. I love how cozy I have made it. I love how it feels like my space. I love that I feel like this in these momentary moments.