After a few days in San Fran, I had to figure out where to go next. I was torn between my going to San Diego, or the Rainbow gathering in Utah. I had many excuses to go, or not to go, in both these places. A decision I had to make with both places leading in opposite directions. Woah was me.
My first sign of stress appearance was coming out of me. Just because I am not “home” hadn't meant that the decisions I make on the road was not going to be any easier from living in the city. It was scary figuring out what way I wanted to travel. What did I want to experience? I wouldn't know either way. If I went to one place or another, there will always be questions. I had journaled during this time. Would rolling the dice work for picking which direction I should go?
“I have now been on the road for a few weeks, and I am in the beginning stages of panic. I felt alone for the first time in a long time. As in, “I am an adult, in a city that is not my own, and money is dwindling, what is my plan?!”.
There are endless possibilities, but these two are the ones that stick out. Both are opposite directions that lead to the unknown.
Thinking that way is psyching me out. Which way is the right way? Which way is the wrong way? I know thinking this way is going to get me stressed out, it’s beginning to give me anxiety, and overall, a bad attitude. Feeling sorry for myself about the decisions I make is not the path I want my mind wandering on.
I bought some Kale a few days ago, something I have had once in my life before. Max taught me how to make a kale salad (One of few people in life that I can actually learn from), so I thought I’d try it again on my own. I wasn’t sure if he was in France, Thailand, New Zealand, Oregon, Michigan, or somewhere else. ‘Catch me if you can” was used in a conversation a few weeks ago when we chatted over facebook.
Max and Brie Adventures before his departure of Seattle
I called him today, and wanted to ask about the Salt in the Kale, and really, just wanted to hear his voice, and just talk to my friend. He could tell I was stressing about my recent travels, about the decisions that I had floating in my head, and I wish I had recorded his pep talk to me. It was amazing, and just what I needed. I have so many good people in my life. SO MANY GOOD PEOPLE EVERYWHERE. I am lucky enough to have found such great people who want to see me continue to just be me.
“Why can’t market Brie’ be everywhere?” Max said.
I never heard that one before, and it gives me chills just thinking about it.
“Why can’t that vibrant, awesome, giddy gal come out for everyone?”