It’s the last day of May for the year of 2014, and I am sitting in a coffee shop (Surprised?) in Detroit. Actually to be technical it’s in Ferndale Michigan. I sit here on the other side of the country, far from “home”, alone, but not lonely. I have my cold Medium Chai to keep me company.
I got to Michigan yesterday. Chuck picked me up from the airport, and we ran around doing errands for his last minute preparations of his party, which by the way has the longest title ever – Ballin on a Budget Backyard Banger and Bizarre Bazaar – PIctured Below
I am so very glad he went to India. I am glad that I have seen someone who has pushed through the barriers of the dreams that ponder in his head for so long. On the flip side, we did talk about the downsides to living up to your dreams. Now that he has done what he had always wanted to do, what is next? Where is that fuel for the next thing? Where is that dragon he had to chase before?
The high of making your dream a reality has the downfall – chasing the dragon- and it’s hard to feel those first initial feelings again.
Meeting Chuck on the streets, spending quality time together, and really living the life I want to live, really opened my mind up. I do know what I don’t want, but I’m hesitant to do what I actually want to do.
Meeting Kevin on the streets of Austin was another eye opening experience. It was a familiar feeling meeting Kevin as I did with Chuck. Kevin walking around with the Good Sign was an implosion of love on my heart.
Funniest part about it all was when I found out weeks later, that they both were from the same area in Michigan, and they were buddies. This brings tears to my eyes. There are just some people who amaze me in their being. Who they are, what they do, how they promote themselves to the world, it puts me in a place in my mind where I feel calm.
Me and Chuck got to Kevins place and all three of us just had a wonderful time chatting. Being around these two make me feel alive.
I feel more grounded when I am close to the ground, id prefer the floor over a chair. As I strum the guitar on the kitchen floor, I kept having this thought pop in and out of my mind. “This is where I am, this is who I am, and this is where I want to be, in the now”
At one point, we were all joined together on the ground singing, laughing, chatting, loving, and living. I never know where life is going to take me, and what people are going to come in and out, and who will genuinely benefit me.
I have taken time these last few weeks to drop the things that have been negative in my life. Some of my family, some of my friends, and soon enough if I don’t have don’t have my apartment lined up for me- I will have to cut my losses and move forward from the opportunity that hang in the air right before me.
When it will be time to cut that opportunity at my own will? Fear is not what drives me, because its fear that has consumed me a bit with not knowing what I would do without a place to hide out in when I need my alone time.
I want to travel, be on the road, take photos and video, document, get caught up in strangers stories and continue along my path, but things in my life have just been adding up to stress. This stress is distracting me from being involved with my happiness and trying to find a way to live up to my dreams.
I mean, I guess I shouldn't be too hard on myself. I finally took my first plane ride, and I am across the country visiting some very amazing people who have come into my life, and who have changed me for the better. I needed that fuel to my fire again. I need this.